Piers Morgan has been graciously providing advice and guidance for the Australian cricket team this week in the wake of the Jonny Bairstow incident.
It’s about time the Aussies started taking notice of the examples he’s set on how to act.
Just because wicketkeeper Alex Carey took advantage of Bairstow’s carelessness to legitimately dismiss him in the second Test at Lord’s, which was quickly approved by all three umpires, doesn’t give the Australian team the right to ignore the free advice that the British broadcaster has kindly offered.
“The Aussies did go against the spirit of the game, and in the process, did a massive disservice to themselves, their country, and their sport,” he lectured to the colonial intruders in baggy green caps.
“Where’s the glory in winning at sport if you abandon honour and integrity? It’s hard to define exactly what constitutes the spirit of the game but most sports fans know when they see it abused.”
The 58-year-old has lived many life lessons over the years that Australian captain Pat Cummins can perhaps look to as an example for his side.
Piers Morgan smokes a cigar while watching racing at Royal Ascot. (Photo by Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images)
Ethics
He became the youngest Fleet Street editor in history when at 28 he oversaw the News of the World … until he resigned a year later after breaching the code of conduct by publishing paparazzi photos of Princess Diana’s sister-in-law leaving a drug rehabilitation clinic.
The Aussies should keep this kind of ethical example in mind when they resort to such unsavoury tactics as callously stumping a batter who was dopey enough to wander out of his crease even though the ball wasn’t dead.
Diplomacy
He then moved onto the Daily Mirror where he quickly gained further notoriety by publishing an infamous “Achtung! Surrender” front page mocking Germany over World War II before England’s football team played them in Euro 96.
Cummins has got it all wrong trying to smooth things over with the England team, shaking hands and politely answering questions about the faux outrage – this is how you show respect to an opponent in international sport.
Integrity
Morgan was fired in 2004 after the Mirror published front-page photos of a British soldier degrading an Iraqi prisoner of war. The only problem was the pictures were fakes and he refused to apologise for the blunder.
The lesson here for Cummins and co is quite simple – your reputation is paramount … and if you do get caught stuffing up deluxe, deny, deny, deny.
Playing by the rules
He has been accused multiple times of being involved in the phone-hacking scandal but despite mounting evidence to the contrary, has denied any knowledge of the insidious practice which targeted many celebrities, politicians and members of the general public caught up in major news stories.
After the inquiry into the scandal, his testimony was described the presiding judge as “utterly unpersuasive” particularly after he had previously boasted in a magazine interview about how journalists could tap into anyone’s voicemail if they hadn’t changed their passcode from the factory settings.
Perhaps the Aussies can see if they can log into Brendon McCullum’s laptop and download a document which contains all the mystical elements of Bazball: “Rule 1 – Score fast, no matter what. Rule 2 – Doctor the pitches to be flat so you can achieve No.1. Rule No.3 – if you get out and there’s the slightest doubt, bleat about ‘the spirit of cricket’ even if you’ve attempted much shadier dismissals yourself in the past.”
Game awareness
“At the risk of being a bogus Nostradamus curse… @jbairstow21 looks in a very determined, vengeful and run-hungry mood. #Ashes.” Morgan tweeted a few minutes before Bairstow slashed at a wide delivery from Mitchell Starc to be caught in the slips for 12 in the first innings at Headingley.
Study what you see on the field, make dispassionate judgements based on the evidence presented and back yourself.
Don’t let emotion get in the way of your views because they can quickly make you look foolish. These lessons write themselves.
Keeping your cool
Morgan threw a tantrum in 2021 by storming off the set of GMB, and never returning, after his co-presenter reprimanded him for saying he “didn’t believe a word” of Meghan Markle’s claim that she felt suicidal during her pregnancy.
So on day four of the second Test when the umpires overturned Mitchell Starc’s outfield catch because the ball had touched the ground before he had gained full control of his body, Cummins clearly missed a trick by not stomping off to the pavilion like a pompous prat.
Retaining your sense of humour
Did anyone have Piers Morgan vs Elliott Whitehead on their 2023 bingo card?
Morgan was incensed by the Canberra Raiders’ post-try celebration in Wollongong on Friday night and blew his lid when he was told the perpetrator mocking Bairstow not only born in England but was from the same county.
“Just found out the batsman in this shameful spirit-of-the-game mocking stunt is not only ENGLISH, but a YORKSHIREMAN. What on earth are you doing Elliott Whitehead? Are you a closet Australian?”
Cummins joked “we will have to see what the wicket’s like” when a reporter asked if he would resort to underarm bowling in the wake of the Bairstow incident. That kind of humour is clearly a no-no in the Morgan playbook.
Hopefully, the Australian team can learn from their mistakes and look to Morgan for guidance on the correct way to behave in the pressure-cooker environment of the Ashes.
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