After a taxing home summer against India, Australia romped to victory over Sri Lanka with such energy they even enforced a follow-on without industrial action from the sports scientists.
The emphatic innings victory was flawless in Galle, with the batting as optimistic as a youth Christian camp and the fielding as intensely toey as the first night of Schoolies.
For a side renowned for its fair share of bilge on the subcontinent, it was a win deserving of Channel Seven’s decision to broadcast it everywhere except over Larry Emdur’s face.
But just because Steve Smith’s side performed on legacy TV like lithe teens reborn doesn’t mean we should be getting ahead of ourselves.
Why?
We all know the subcontinent can be horrendously two-faced, as proven by our 2022 Sri Lanka tour when a first Test whitewash was reversed with a 10 wicket hammering.
But that’s not the major concern.
What should be keeping us awake at night is this team remains so old they’d have to pick Methuselah to lower the average age.
Yep, this is a side whose freshest blood is Josh Inglis (30 next month), Beau Webster (31) and Matt Kuhnemann (28), meaning even the new blokes are old.
And with a highly concerning Ashes contest looming, selectors should’ve begun tastefully lopping off the rest of the rotten fruit yesterday.
Why?
Because with every test that passes without a regen plan, this golden generation risks arriving next summer like a bunch of pony-tailed divorcees at a Blue Light Disco.
Brendon McCullum’s revamped Bazballers will hit our shores with nothing to lose, meaning the Pat Cummins years could close with the most embarrassing of farewells – at the hands of an England side lead by a Kiwi.
With only a World Test Championship and three Tests in the West Indies before next summer to stress-test new blood, not only have selectors missed a trick in Galle by overlooking Sam Konstas, they’ve given the old blokes another chance to extend time on their careers like a racecar that’s sped through a checkpoint at the last second on Daytona.
Marnus Labuschagne in Galle. (Photo by Buddhika Weerasinghe/Getty Images)
Instead of ramping blokes in to the sports club and riling up the opposition skipper, Konstas has watched on while Usman Khawaja guaranteed his spot forever with a sterling double-ton and Inglis locked up another with an impressive century on debut.
While hindsight is our friend, what selectors would give to reverse their decision to deny the 19-year-old a chance to feast on the agreeable delights of Galle.
It’s not just the idyllic holiday vibes and cheap beer that has reaffirmed the Sri Lankan holiday destination as place of such restorative powers that even Kuhnemann’s broken thumb healed upon arrival like he was the T-1000.
It’s also offered a docile surface and friendly bowling by the bucketload too, and when you add the early finishes, it would’ve been a perfect place for Konstas to clock up some much-needed miles in the logbook.
But it seems he was not in the team for no reason other than he can’t grow facial hair or bowl left-arm orthodox.
Sure, selectors may draft Konstas in for the last match – a virtual dead rubber with the trophy securely in Australia’s grasp – but let’s be fair dinkum:
It’s probably too late to save the Ashes now.
Matt Kuhnemann celebrates after taking the wicket of Jeffrey Vandersay. (Photo by Robert Cianflone/Getty Images)
We needed the kid in the team yesterday, and anyone else who wasn’t around to witness the bails being burnt.
Yes, this is raining on Australia’s parade after a highly impressive win.
And yes, no win on the subcontinent should ever be taken for granted, especially for a team like Australia with a batting lineup that can blow hot and cold, or simply just blow.
But Australia are toying with the acute onset of senility at the worst possible time – when England could be here not only to witness it, but inflict it.
This generation’s Warne/McGrath/Langer and Marsh/Lillee/Chappell moment is briskly approaching, and while it’s probably too late to stagger the retirements of the 6-8 old cronies in the team right now, we need to consider that our plans for a respectful farewell to an adoring crowd could actually end as gross senicide in front of pack of laughing Poms.
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