Forget Gilbert Jessop. George Bonnor was a way better Bazballer than Gilbert Jessop. And Bonnorball pre-dates Bazball by over 140 years.
There. I said it.
For a bloke who averaged 17 in Tests, Bonnor’s name pops up a bit. That’s cause he’s the best. In Ashes history, he is in the top 20 for most sixes hit in an innings three times.
In 30 Test innings, he blasted 10 maximums. Not many? In those same 30 innings, the remaining 21 players from both teams hit a combined eight sixes.
England’s own original Bazballer, Billy Bates clonked four of those. Bates would go onto play 15 Tests, highest score 64 (in the same Test Bonnor got his century) averaging 27.33. Bates and Bonnor would have been entertainingly infuriating to watch.
So forget Jessop. It’s Bonnor and Bates. And we now know that Bazball is just a sad-rip off of an Australian design that should be more famous than the winged keel. Let’s call it what it should have been known as since the 1880s: Bonnorball. And together we will show just how much better the Australian Bonnorball is compared to England’s Bazball.
The problem for Bonnor and Bates is that strike rates weren’t recorded back then. Why? Because England deemed scoring and results not to be in the spirit of the game. So we will go by the number of sixes struck in an innings.
The only other criteria is players who are boringingly discussed in the “Best Of XI of all time” aren’t considered. We know all about their stodgy records. This is one for the entertainers. Sorry not sorry Freddy, Beefy, Punter, Nugget, Gilly, KP, Stokes, Bacchus, Tiger and the bloke caught Willey bowled Dilley.
Openers: Bill Lawry and Matt Elliott
Stand up, Phant. Okay, so 106 off 313 in the drawn 4th Test at Old Trafford in 1964 is hardly Bonnorball. But Lawry did put three over the pickets along with five fours. And in his entire career of 123 innings, he hit seven maximums. And opening partner Simpson only hit one six and 23 fours in his score of 311.
Phanto is joined by fellow Victorian Matt Elliott who also hit three sixes and 26 fours in his 199 at Leeds in 1997. Australia won by an innings.
Back up opener is Joe Darling who hit three sixes and 26 fours in 178 in 285 minutes at Adelaide in 1898. No other player in the Test hit a six as Australia won by an innings.
3. Shane Watson: 103 off 108, 5 sixes, 11 fours, WACA, 2013
Australia scored 369 at 4.24 RPO in their 2nd innings, as Watto and George Bailey (39 off 30, three sixes, three fours) tore into the English. Australia went onto win by 150 in a match that saw 19 sixes.
4. Kim Hughes: 137 off 316, 3 sixes, 12 fours, SCG, 1983
Again not your typical Bonnorball innings with 137 off 316. But of the four sixes in this match, KJH hit three. He was also the only century maker in the draw. He was also the only century maker in the drawn match, and also was leading series run scorer with 469 S/R 40.69.
Oh, and who hit the other six in the match? That would be Allan “Bamba” Lamb in his 29 off 66.
George Bailey. (Photo by Quinn Rooney/Getty Images)
5. George Bailey: 53 off 93, 3 sixes, 4 fours, Adelaide, 2013.
George is already mentioned for his effort at the WACA. But he gave the English a thorough Bonnoring in the 2nd Test, including 28 off one Sir Jameson Anderson over. 28 off an over is pure Bazball, so Sir Jameson is in for England.
Back-up batsman is, of course, David Hookes for his effort in the Centenary Test 1977. While he hit no sixes, he scored 17 off 19 in Australia’s first innings then 56 off 69 (nine fours) in their second. And Victorians all remember his record breaking 100 off 34 balls in 43 minutes at Adelaide in 1982. He should have opened angry a lot more often.
6. Sam Loxton: 93, 5 sixes, 8 fours, Leeds, 1948.
He put on nearly 100 with Neil Harvey in Australia’s 458. Australia famously chased down 404 in the 4th innings. Loxton also took 3 wickets in England’s first innings.
Back up all-rounder is Mitchell Marsh for his 118 off 118, 4 sixes, 17 fours, at Leeds in 2013. Australia lost by three wickets as Bazball L-Plater Mark Wood hit 16 off eight with one six in the winning partnership with Woakes. While Wood has been selected in the England Bazball team on the back of this innings, he’s since been ruled out due to injury.
7. Brad Haddin (W/K): 118 off 177, 5 sixes, 11 fours, Adelaide, 2013.
The first innings at Adelaide in 2013 was Six In The City. Watto (51) hit one. The aforementioned George Bailey hit three, Hadds (118 off 177) hit five, Ryan Harris (55 off 54) hit two and Gazza (17) hit one. Ryano will be the back-up bowler.
Two players from England also make the Bazball squad from this Test: Ian Bell for his 72 off 106 (4 sixes, 9 fours) and Stuart Broad’s 29 off 26 with one six and three fours. England’s mediocre squad is starting to come together.
8. George Bonnor ( c ): 85 (4 sixes, 5 fours) MCG 1882, 34 (2 sixes, three fours) MCG, 1883 or 128 (3 sixes, 14 fours) SCG 1885
Top score of 85 runs in Australia’s nine wicket win at the MCG in 1882. The next Test he again top scored in Australia’s first innings with 35. Australia lost by an innings. He hit his only Test century (128, top score) in Australia’s victory at the SCG in 1885. Gilbert who?
9. James Pattinson: 47* off 48, 4 sixes, 4 fours, Edgbaston, 2019
Really loving the guys in this team! Patto unleashed after a duck in Australia’s first innings. Australia won by heaps. Even Tim Paine hit a six.
10. Stuart “Sarfraz” Clark: 32 off 22, 3 sixes,
With Siddle out for a golden duck, Sarfraz added 46 with Mitch Johnson in Australia’s innings victory. Sarfraz also picked up three English wickets.
Bad luck for Todd Murphy (34 off 39) who also hit three sixes at The Oval in 2023, but he’s in the squad as spinner. Also, bad luck for Zac Crawley (189 off 182, 3 sixes, 21 fours) and Jonny Bairstow in the same series at Old Trafford. JB hit foour sixes and 10 fours but was tragically left stranded not out on 99 off just 81 deliveries. Crawls and JB are both in the England squad, baby!
11. Ashton Agar: 98 off 101, 2 sixes, 12 fours, Trent Bridge, 2013.
Can you imagine the reaction in the West if AA didn’t make this team? He hit two maximums on debut in his 98 at Trent Bridge in 2013. Quiz: he hit one more six in his Test career so far. Guesses for who against and the venue. The person who guesses correctly gets to replace Zac Crawley for the remaining Ashes Tests (this and future series).
This England squad highlights what we already know about Bazball: an Aussie or two always outperforms them. Like in 1930, when Percy Chapman as skipper hit 121 off 166 with three sixes and 12 fours.
It just happened to be the Test where Australia scored 729 with Bradman 254, Woodfull 155 and Vic Richardson Bonnoring his way to 30 off 30 with 1 six and 3 fours. Or Craig White (85 off 134, 3 sixes, 9 fours, MCG, 2002) when Justin Langer (250, 1 six, 30 fours) and Matt Hayden (102, 3 sixes, 10 fours) put on 195 on Boxing Day.
One exception to this would be during Bodyline when Bob Wyatt hit 78 off 176 with three sixes and three fours. England won by 338 cause of Bodyline and not Bazball. Where’s your spirit of cricket now, ya stuffy Lords members.
With Jonny Bairstow the lock at keeper, England’s back up is Jim Parks. In 1965 Parks hit 52 off 66 with three sixes and fours in the draw at the Gabba. Bill Lawry (166, no sixes) and Dougie Walters (155 off 315, 2 sixes, 11 fours) did the job for the Aussies.
Australian Bonnorball Squad
Lawry, Elliott, Watson, Hughes, Bailey, Loxton, Haddin (W/K), Bonnor ( c ), Pattinson, Clark, Agar, Darling, Hookes, Marsh, Harris, Murphy.
England Bazball Squad
Crawley, Chapman, Bates ( c ), Bell, “Bamba” Lamb, Gilbert “He’s no Bonnor” Jessop, Bairstow (W/K), Broad, Sir Anderson, Wood, Parks, Wyatt, White.
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